Ever watch your child trying to join a game on the playground or figure out how to share a favorite toy, and wish you had a magic wand to help them navigate those tricky social moments? We focus so much energy on teaching letters, numbers, and words, but understanding the unspoken rules of interacting with others – knowing how to talk and listen in different situations – is just as vital for their happiness and success.
This “social smarts,” often called social communication in children or pragmatics, is the bridge that connects language skills with real-world interaction. It’s about using communication effectively to build relationships, understand others, and navigate social settings confidently. Supporting these skills is incredibly important, and the good news is that you, as parents and caregivers, are perfectly positioned to help them grow.
Drawing on professional experience helping children connect and communicate effectively every day, this article aims to shed light on these crucial skills: what they are, why they’re so important, and simple, practical ways you can support your child’s development right within your everyday family life. Let’s dive into the fascinating world of social communication together!
What Exactly Are Social Communication Skills?
Social communication is the art of using communication effectively and appropriately in social contexts. It involves a mix of skills working together:
- Using Language for Different Reasons (Communicative Functions): This means knowing how to use words to achieve different goals.
- Greeting: Saying “Hi,” “Bye,” or waving.
- Informing: Telling someone something, like “My tummy hurts” or “Look at the big truck!”
- Demanding/Requesting: Asking for things, like “More juice, please” or “Help me.”
- Promising: Saying “I’ll share when I’m done.”
- Questioning: Asking “Why?” or “Where is Daddy?”
- Changing Language for the Listener or Situation: This is about adapting how we talk based on who we’re talking to and where we are.
- Talking differently to a baby versus an adult (e.g., simpler words, higher pitch for a baby).
- Giving more background information to someone unfamiliar with a topic versus someone who already knows.
- Using an “inside voice” versus an “outside voice.”
- Knowing to speak more formally to a teacher versus casually to a sibling.
- Following Rules for Conversation and Storytelling: These are the often-unspoken rules that make conversations flow smoothly.
- Taking turns: Speaking and listening, not interrupting constantly.
- Staying on topic: Contributing relevant comments to the conversation.
- Introducing topics: Letting others know what you want to talk about.
- Rephrasing: Clarifying if someone doesn’t understand you.
- Using and understanding nonverbal cues: Reading facial expressions, body language (like crossed arms), and tone of voice (like sarcasm or excitement). Maintaining appropriate eye contact.
- Personal space: Knowing how close to stand to someone.
- Telling stories: Organizing events logically, including important details, and keeping the listener engaged.
See? It’s quite complex, but children learn these skills gradually through observation and interaction.
Why Are These Skills So Important?
Strong social communication skills are the foundation for so much in life:
- Building Relationships: They help children make and keep friends, cooperate during play, and feel connected to others.
- School Success: Following directions, participating in group activities, asking for help, and understanding classroom expectations all rely heavily on social communication.
- Emotional Intelligence: Understanding nonverbal cues helps children recognize others’ feelings (empathy) and manage their own emotional expressions appropriately.
- Problem Solving: Explaining a problem, negotiating solutions, and understanding different perspectives are crucial life skills.
- Future Independence: From job interviews to navigating community interactions, these skills remain essential throughout life.
When children struggle with social communication, they might have difficulty making friends, misunderstand others, seem off-topic, or unintentionally appear rude, which can be frustrating for everyone involved.
How You Can Help Nurture Social Communication Skills in Children at Home
The wonderful thing is that your daily interactions are the perfect training ground! Here are some practical ways to support your child:
- Be a Social Communication Model: Children learn by watching you!
- Think Aloud: Narrate your own social thinking. “Oh, the mail carrier looks busy, I’ll just wave quickly instead of stopping to chat.” or “Oops, I interrupted Grandma. Sorry, Grandma, please finish your story.”
- Use Polite Language: Model “please,” “thank you,” “excuse me” consistently.
- Show Good Listening: Make eye contact, nod, and wait your turn to speak when interacting with your child and others.
- Narrate and Explain Social Situations: Act like a commentator for the social world.
- During Play: “Leo offered you his truck! That was kind. You can say ‘Thank you, Leo!'” or “You both want the red crayon. What could we do? Maybe you could take turns?”
- Watching TV/Movies or Reading Books: Pause and discuss the characters’ interactions. “Look at her face. How do you think she feels?” “Why did he say that?” “What do you think will happen next?”
- Example Script: “Wow, the rabbit looked really surprised when the fox jumped out. See his wide eyes? What do you think he’s thinking?”
- Out and About: “We need to whisper in the library so we don’t disturb others.” “Let’s wait until the cashier is finished talking before we ask our question.”
- Practice Turn-Taking: Conversations are like a game of catch – back and forth!
- Simple Games: Even starting with rolling a ball back and forth, playing peek-a-boo, or building a tower together (one block at a time) teaches turn-taking.
- Conversation Pauses: After you speak, pause expectantly (look at your child, maybe raise your eyebrows slightly) to signal it’s their turn. Don’t jump in too quickly to fill the silence.
- Acknowledge Their Turns: “That’s an interesting thought!” or “Thanks for waiting for your turn to tell me.”
- Focus on Feelings and Perspective-Taking: Help your child understand that others have different thoughts and feelings.
- Label Emotions: Label your child’s emotions (“You seem frustrated that the blocks fell”) and your own (“I feel happy when we read together”). Also, label emotions you observe in others (“Your friend looks sad. Maybe she misses her mom?”).
- Ask “Wondering” Questions: “I wonder why that character did that?” “How do you think your sister felt when you took her toy?” “What could make him feel better?”
- Example Script: (After child shares a toy) “Look how happy Maya is! Sharing your car made her smile. How does that make you feel?”
- Use Role-Playing: Practice tricky social situations in a safe space. Keep it fun and light!
- Scenarios: Practice greeting someone, asking a friend to play, joining a game, ordering food at a pretend restaurant, saying sorry, or giving a compliment.
- Switch Roles: Let your child be the different characters so they can experience different perspectives.
- Example Script: “Let’s pretend I’m your friend Sam. You want to play cars with me. What could you say? You could try, ‘Hi Sam! Can I play cars with you?’ Okay, now you be Sam and I’ll ask!”
- Talk Explicitly About Nonverbal Cues: Point out body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice.
- Identify Cues: “He’s smiling and laughing, I think he’s feeling happy!” “Her arms are crossed and she’s frowning. Maybe she’s upset?” “Listen to my voice – am I using a happy voice or a serious voice?”
- Use Mirrors: Make faces in the mirror together (happy, sad, angry, surprised) and talk about what they look like.
- Example Script: “When Grandma talks in a quiet, soft voice like this [model soft voice], it means she wants us to be calm. If she talks in a loud, excited voice like this [model excited voice], she’s probably really happy about something!”
Putting It All Together: A Quick Scenario
Imagine your child grabs a toy from a sibling:
- Old way might be: “Stop grabbing! Share!”
- Social Communication Support approach: “Uh oh. [Sibling’s Name] was playing with that. Look, they look sad now [point out nonverbal cues]. Remember, we need to ask first. Let’s try saying, ‘Can I have a turn when you’re done?’ [Model the language, practice perspective-taking]. When it’s your turn, you can share it back if they ask nicely [Reinforce turn-taking].”
When You Might Want Extra Support
Every child develops at their own pace. However, if you consistently notice your child having significant difficulty with things like:
- Making or keeping friends
- Understanding jokes, sarcasm, or non-literal language
- Staying on topic in conversation
- Reading others’ emotions or expressing their own appropriately
- Following conversational rules (turn-taking, interrupting)
- Using eye contact or understanding body language
It might be helpful to talk to your pediatrician or reach out to a Speech-Language Pathologist. We can assess your child’s skills and provide tailored support strategies or therapy if needed.
You’ve Got This!
Remember, fostering social communication skills isn’t about drills or flashcards. It’s about connecting with your child and gently guiding them through the social world during the moments you already share. By being mindful, modeling positive interactions, and talking things through, you are giving your child invaluable tools for building meaningful connections and confidently navigating life. You are their best guide on this journey!
Disclaimer: This article provides general information and suggestions for educational purposes. It is not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment from a certified Speech-Language Pathologist. Please consult with a qualified professional if you have specific concerns about your child’s speech and language development.
Resources
For more information check out these resources:
MDS: Your Turn, My Turn: How Playful Turn-Taking Builds Your Child’s Language Development
MDS: Is My Child Stuttering? A Preschool Speech Guide for Parents
