How to Use Social Stories to Teach Everyday Routines and Social Skills

As a speech-language pathologist, I often hear parents say things like:

• “They will not do that for me.”
• “They only listen to you.”
• “They do that perfectly here, but never at home!”

These statements are extremely common  and completely understandable. You are not doing anything wrong. In fact, this situation tells us something very important about how young children learn and behave.

This article will help you understand why children often follow directions more easily with their therapist than at home, and more importantly, how to build cooperation at home with clear, step-by-step examples and scripts for daily routines.

Why Children Listen Differently to a Therapist

1. Therapy is predictable.
   During a session, routines stay the same every time. Children know what to expect.  This lowers stress and increases cooperation. At home, the environment changes constantly, which makes it harder to know what to expect. 
2. Therapy feels like play.
   I structure activities to be motivating and playful, even when we are working on hard skills. Children stay engaged because it feels fun, not forced. 
3. Therapists use calm, consistent cues.
   My tone, body language, and words stay the same each time I give a direction. Parents naturally use more emotion — especially when rushing, repeating, or feeling frustrated. 
4. Children test boundaries with their “safe” person.
   At home, children are in their comfort zone. They know you will love them no matter what. This sometimes means more testing and less compliance. It is actually a sign of trust. 
5. Therapists use clear behavior supports.
   We break tasks into small, doable steps and reinforce success right away. Parents can use the same tools once they learn how.

How to Build More Cooperation at Home

These steps work across routines and can be adapted for any skill, from speech practice to behavior goals.

Step 1: Stay Calm and Predictable

Children sense tone, facial expression, and energy before they process your words.

• Use a calm, clear voice.
• Avoid repeating more than twice.
• Keep your words simple and consistent.

Example Script:

“It is time to go inside. First, we put our shoes by the door, then we go wash hands.”

Step 2: Give Simple, Direct Instructions

Instead of long explanations or questions (“Can you please go to the bathroom now?”), use short, clear statements.

Try:

“It is bathroom time.”
“Let us go wash hands.”

Use one direction at a time and pair it with a gesture or visual (pointing, picture card, or routine chart).

Step 3: Give a Choice When Possible

Children feel more in control when they have a voice in what happens.

Examples:

“Do you want to walk or skip to the bathroom?”
“Do you want to hold my right hand or my left hand?”
“Do you want to clean up the blocks first or the cars first?”

Both choices lead to the same goal, but your child feels empowered.

Step 4: Use “First/Then” Language

“First/Then” helps children understand what to expect and when something preferred will happen.

Examples:

“First clean up, then snack.”
“First bathroom, then play.”
“First hold hands, then we run when it is safe.”

Use visuals if helpful — two simple pictures side-by-side (“First brush teeth / Then story time”).

Step 5: Use Praise That Is Specific and Immediate

Instead of saying “good job,” describe exactly what they did well.

Examples:

“You put your toys away when I asked. That was responsible.”
“You held my hand in the parking lot. That was safe.”
“You went to the bathroom when I said ‘bathroom time.’ That was listening!”

This helps your child connect your praise to the exact behavior you want repeated.

Step 6: Be Consistent — Not Perfect

Children need to see that your words always match your actions. Follow through every time, even if it feels inconvenient.

If you say “First clean up, then play outside,” make sure outside play really follows once cleanup happens. Over time, this consistency teaches that your words can be trusted.

Everyday Examples and Scripts

Below are real-life situations with step-by-step guidance and ready-to-use language you can try at home.

1. Going to the Bathroom

Steps:

1. Give a clear, calm cue: “It is bathroom time.”
2. Use “First/Then” language: “First bathroom, then play.”
3. If your child resists, offer a choice: “Do you want to walk or hop to the bathroom?”
4. Praise small steps: “You started walking to the bathroom. That was listening!”

Parent Script Example:

“It is bathroom time. First bathroom, then blocks. You can walk or hop. Great listening, you went right away!”

• If Your Child Still Does Not Listen or Go to the Bathroom

Even with consistent cues, some children may still resist. This is very normal. Try these ideas:

Tips and Ideas:

1. Stay calm and neutral. Children respond best when adults remain calm. Avoid showing frustration or raising your voice. 
2. Use visual supports. Post a small picture of the toilet or a short “bathroom routine” chart by the door. 
3. Give a countdown or warning. “In one minute, it will be bathroom time.” Then gently count down or use a timer. 
4. Make it predictable and fun. Sing a short song or use the same phrase each time. “First bathroom, then play!” 
5. Praise or reward effort. Use small successes as learning opportunities. “You walked to the door when I asked. That was listening!” 
6. Follow through gently. If needed, guide your child by the hand and model the steps calmly. 
7. Keep the routine consistent. Repetition builds understanding and trust.

Parent Script Example:

“I see you do not want to go right now. First bathroom, then play. You can walk or hop. I will help you start. Thank you for listening — you did it!”

2. Cleaning Up Toys

Steps:

1. Give one direction: “Time to clean up the toys.”
2. Add a visual or song: “Clean up, clean up, everyone let us do our part.”
3. Offer a choice: “Do you want to clean up blocks or cars first?”
4. Use specific praise: “You cleaned up the blocks so fast!”

Parent Script Example:

“First clean up toys, then snack. You chose blocks first — nice job cleaning up!”

• If Your Child Still Does Not Clean Up Toys

Tips and Ideas:

1. Give a visual cue. Show a picture of “clean up” or point to a specific area: “Toys go in this bin.” 
2. Use small steps. “Let us clean up five blocks together.” Break it down into quick wins. 
3. Add a timer or song. Play a short “clean up” song or set a 2-minute timer to make it feel like a game. 
4. Model and join in. Start cleaning up yourself: “I will pick up two cars; you can pick up two too!” 
5. Offer a helper role. “You are my helper. Can you put all the red toys away?” 
6. Give a clear choice. “Do you want to clean up blocks or animals first?” 
7. Reinforce progress. “You picked up your toys right when I said clean up time! That was responsible.”

Parent Script Example:

“I will help you start. I will pick up the cars, and you pick up the blocks. We can race the timer! Great job putting the toys away — now it is time for snack!”

3. Coming in the House

Steps:

1. State the expectation before you reach the door: “When we get home, we take off shoes and wash hands.”
2. Give a transition warning: “Two more minutes outside, then inside.”
3. Follow with the same phrase every time: “It is time to go in.”
4. Reinforce: “You came in when I said it was time. That helps us stay safe.”

Parent Script Example:

“Two more minutes outside. Then we go in. Okay, it is time to go inside. Thank you for coming in right away!”

• If Your Child Still Does Not Come in the House

Tips and Ideas:

1. Prepare with a warning. Give a 2-minute cue: “Two more minutes outside, then we go in.” 
2. Offer a choice. “Do you want to hop or march to the door?” 
3. Use a visual or routine chart. Show pictures of the next steps: door → shoes off → wash hands. 
4. Stay consistent. Use the same phrase each time: “It is time to go in.” 
5. Acknowledge feelings. “You are sad to stop playing. We can play again later.” 
6. Follow through gently. If the child refuses, calmly walk to the door and wait with the same message. 
7. Praise compliance. “You came in right when I said it was time. That helps us stay safe.” 

Parent Script Example:

“I know you want to stay outside. It is time to go in now. You can walk or hop to the door. Thank you for coming in when I asked. That was great listening.”

4. Holding Hands in a Parking Lot

Steps:

1. Preview before leaving the car: “In the parking lot, we hold hands.”
2. Use clear wording: “Hold my hand.” (No need for questions like “Will you hold my hand?”)
3. Reinforce: “You held my hand the whole way. That kept you safe.”

Parent Script Example:

“We are in the parking lot. Cars are moving, so we hold hands. Thank you for keeping your hand with mine.”

• If Your Child Still Does Not Hold Hands in the Parking Lot

Tips and Ideas:

1. Practice before leaving the car. “Before we get out, remember — we hold hands in the parking lot.” 
2. Use visuals. Show a picture of a car and a person holding hands. 
3. Give a simple, firm reminder. “Hands please.” Use the same phrase every time. 
4. Reinforce safety. “Holding hands keeps you safe. Cars can move fast.” 
5. Offer a job or role. “You can be my safety helper and help me look for cars.” 
6. Praise success immediately. “You held my hand the whole time! That was so safe.” 
7. If refusal continues: calmly hold your child’s wrist or shoulder while walking and say, “I will help you stay safe.”

Parent Script Example:

“Hands please. Thank you for holding my hand. You were my safety helper — that kept you safe in the parking lot.”

5. Doing an Unpreferred Task

Steps:

1. Stay calm and neutral.
2. Use “First/Then” language: “First table activity, then tablet.”
3. Break the task into smaller steps: “First page one, then a break.”
4. Offer a small choice: “Do you want the red crayon or blue crayonl?”
5. Praise effort: “You started even when it was hard. That shows perseverance.”

Parent Script Example:

“First pick up the toys, then we can watch a show. You picked up the cars — that was great listening!”

• If Your Child Still Refuses an Unpreferred Task

Tips and Ideas:

1. Validate feelings. “I know this is hard. You do not want to do it.” 
2. Use “First/Then.” “First clean up, then show.” Stay calm and consistent. 
3. Break it into steps. “Let us do the first part together.” 
4. Offer a small choice. “Do you want to start with the top or bottom shelf?” 
5. Model effort. “I am working too. We can finish together.” 
6. Use positive reinforcement. Praise effort, not perfection: “You started even when it was hard. That shows responsibility.” 
7. Keep expectations the same. Do not skip the task if they resist. Calmly support and follow through every time.

Parent Script Example:

“I know you do not want to do this right now. First homework, then tablet. Let us start together. You started even though it was hard — that was responsible.

The Power of Connection

Children cooperate best when they feel connected, calm, and capable. Try to build in short “positive attention moments” throughout the day that have no directions — just fun and connection.
Even two minutes of play or shared laughter before giving an instruction increases cooperation dramatically.

Example:

• Spend two minutes playing chase or reading a page together.
• Then say: “It is time to clean up now.”

This rhythm of connection → direction → praise works better than any threat or punishment.

Quick Summary for Parents

Keep directions short and calm.
Give one step at a time.
Offer choices that still reach your goal.
Use “First/Then” to make routines predictable.
Praise specific behaviors right away.
Be consistent every time.
Connect before you correct.

Final Thoughts

When your child listens to me, but not to you, it is not because you are doing something wrong. It is because my environment is structured for success with a calm tone, clear expectations, predictable routines, and immediate reinforcement. The good news is that you can do this too.

With small changes and consistent language, your home can become the best learning environment your child has  and you will see your child start listening, responding, and thriving with you.