When it comes to early learning, many parents feel pressure to make sure their child can name every letter, count to 20, and recite all their colors and shapes by age three. While these pre-academic skills are fun and exciting to learn, they are often focused on too early. It’s critical to build foundational communication skills, as they are essential for success in both life and school. As a speech-language pathologist, I want to gently shift the focus: Let’s build functional language first. That means helping your child learn to express their wants and needs, engage in meaningful back-and-forth communication, and understand how to interact with others. These are the skills that form the building blocks of future language development and social success.

Why Functional Language Comes First

Before a child can identify a red triangle or sing the ABCs, they need to understand how to:

Get your attention
Ask for help
Say “no”
Comment on what they see
Share an interest
Respond to others
Take turns in communication

This is known as functional communication, which is language that has a purpose. A child who can point to a snack and say “want cracker,” gesture to be picked up, or say “uh-oh” when something spills is building the real-world skills that matter most.

Letters and colors can be taught in preschool. But if your child enters school without the ability to communicate basic needs or participate in reciprocal interactions, they’ll face much greater challenges than simply learning the alphabet.

Joint Attention and Back-and-Forth Communication

A critical first step to communication is joint attention, which is when two people share focus on the same object or event. It’s how children learn that communication connects them with others. Think of a baby pointing to a dog and looking back at you to make sure you see it too. That shared moment is the foundation of all later learning.

How to encourage joint attention:

Follow their lead during play. If your child picks up a toy car, get another car and join in.
Use excited facial expressions and animated voice to keep them engaged.
Label what they are looking at or doing:
“Wow! That car is going fast!”

Back-and-forth (reciprocal) communication comes next. It might start with sounds, gestures, or facial expressions before progressing to words and short sentences.

Say Goodbye to Flash Cards

Flash cards and drill-based apps may teach labels, but they do not build social communication. Children need real-life practice in context, not just isolated vocabulary drills.

Instead of asking, “What’s this? What color is this? Say triangle,” try:

Play-Based Learning Where Communication Has a Purpose

- - Definition:
    Play-based learning involves using toys, pretend play, and games to encourage language in a natural, child-led way. When play has a purpose—like asking for help, making choices, or commenting—it becomes a powerful tool for building communication skills.

Purposeful communication targets:

Making choices
Requesting help
Taking turns
Expressing excitement or frustration
Using simple social phrases like “my turn,” “stop,” “go,” or “all done”

- Why it matters:
  Children learn best when they are having fun. When we follow their interests and embed language into play, we model real communication instead of drilling for memorized responses.

Examples:

While playing with toy food:
“Want apple or banana?” → Child points to banana → “Banana! Let’s feed bear. Munch munch!”
During a block tower game:
“More blocks?” → Wait for response → “Let’s build it tall! Uh-oh! It fell!”

Real-World Situations Like Mealtimes, Diaper Changes, and Bathtime

- - Definition:
    These are everyday caregiving moments that happen multiple times a day. Instead of rushing through them, use them as built-in chances to model and encourage communication.

Target skills:

Labeling body parts, actions, and objects
Following simple directions
Initiating or responding to familiar phrases
Understanding cause and effect (e.g., “Push! Water pours out!”)

- Why it matters:
  Because these routines repeat every day, they give your child consistent and predictable language exposure. The more they hear simple words tied to real actions, the more they understand and eventually try to use them.

Examples:

Mealtime:
“More apples?” (Pause) → “Okay! More!”
“Juice in cup… here you go!”
“All done? Let’s clean up!”
Diaper Changes:
“Uh-oh! Stinky diaper!”
“Wipe, wipe… clean now!”
“All done—pants on!”
Bathtime:
“Splash! You’re splashing!”
“Wash feet… now wash belly!”
“Duck goes in! Quack quack!”

Everyday Routines That Offer Natural Opportunities for Interaction

- - Definition:
    These are structured parts of your day—like getting dressed, going to the car, or reading a bedtime story—that can become consistent opportunities for language-rich interactions.
  - Why it matters:
    Children thrive on routines. When you pair a consistent routine with consistent language, your child begins to anticipate and participate—often with gestures, sounds, or words.

Examples:

Getting Dressed:
“Shirt on. One arm… two arms!”
“Socks go on feet—tickle toes!”
Leaving the House:
“Shoes on!”
“Where’s your backpack?”
“Open door… let’s go!”
Bedtime Routine:
“Brush teeth… up and down!”
“Pick a book—this one or that one?”
“Lights off. Night night!”

Activity Ideas and Scripts to Build Functional Language

Laundry Helper

Activity: Have your child help you sort socks or put clothes in the basket.
Target language: Help, colors, action words, requests.
Script:
- You: “Uh-oh! Sock fell down! Can you get it?”
- Child: (picks it up)
- You: “Thank you! Let’s put it in. Ready… 1, 2, 3—IN!”
- Pause and wait for them to say “in” or gesture.

Toy Picnic

Activity: Pretend to have a picnic with stuffed animals or dolls.
Target language: Requesting, turn-taking, sharing, food vocabulary
Script:
- You: “Bear is hungry. What should we feed him?”
- Child: (points to toy banana)
- You: “Banana! Yummy! Let’s give it to him. Say, ‘Here you go, Bear!’”
- Child: “Here go!”
- You: “Nice talking!”

Bath Time Talk

Activity: Narrate actions during bathtime using simple language.
Target language: Verbs, body parts, emotions
Script:
- You: “Wash-wash-wash! You’re washing your toes!”
- Child: (laughs)
- You: “Tickle toes! You’re silly!”

Grocery Store Helper

Activity: Let your child help find items during grocery trips.
Target language: Following directions, making choices, commenting
Script:
- You: “Can you find the apples?”
- Child: (points)
- You: “You found them! Big red apples! Let’s count: one, two…”

Final Thoughts: What Matters Most

If your child can name all the colors but cannot ask for a drink, there is still work to do. If they can sing the alphabet but do not know how to ask for help, we need to go back to the basics. And that’s okay.

By focusing on connection before content, you will help your child build the language skills that will serve them for a lifetime.

Let’s move beyond memorizing ABCs and celebrate the powerful, messy, joyful process of learning to communicate.

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Disclaimer: This article offers general educational information. It is not a substitute for professional evaluation or treatment. Please consult a licensed Speech-Language Pathologist for personalized concerns regarding your child’s speech development.