Helping Children Learn Pronouns: A Parent’s Guide to “He, She, and They”

Parents often ask, “Why does my child keep mixing up words like he, she, or they?” Pronouns are a critical part of language development, but they are also one of the areas where many children struggle. If your child says, “Her is playing” instead of “She is playing,” or refers to themselves as “you” instead of “I,” you are not alone. This is a very common challenge, and with the right strategies, it can be addressed.

In this article, I will explain:

• When pronouns typically develop

• Why pronouns can be difficult for children

• How you can support your child’s understanding and use of pronouns at home

• Specific examples and scripts you can use in daily routines

My goal is to help you feel confident in supporting your child’s growth without needing specialized training. With patience and practice, you can turn everyday activities into meaningful opportunities for learning.

When Do Pronouns Develop?

Language skills emerge in stages, and pronouns follow a predictable sequence. Here are some general guidelines:

• Around 2 years: Children often begin using “I” and “it.” For example: “I want juice” or “It big.”

• Around 2½ years: “My” and “me” appear. A child may say, “My toy” or “Give me.”

• Around 3 years: Children start using “you,” “he,” and “she.” For example: “You come” or “He running.”

• Around 3½ years: “We,” “they,” “us,” “him,” and “her” begin to develop.

• Around 4 years: Most children can use a variety of pronouns correctly, though occasional mistakes are still normal.

Keep in mind that every child develops at their own pace. However, if your child is 4 ½-5 years old and consistently struggles with pronouns, it may be a sign that they need extra support.

Why Are Pronouns Difficult?

Pronouns are different from nouns because they change depending on who is speaking and who is being spoken about. This makes them more abstract than words like “dog” or “ball.” For example:

• You say “I am Mommy” but your child calls you “you.”

• Your child says “I am playing” but you call them “you are playing.”

This constant shift can feel confusing. Children are trying to figure out that “I” always refers to the speaker, and “you” always refers to the listener, no matter who is talking. That is a big mental leap.

How to Support Pronoun Development

Now that you understand when pronouns develop and why they can be difficult, let us look at ways you can help your child.

1. Model Correct Pronouns in Everyday Speech

Children learn best when they hear language used correctly and consistently. The more you model, the easier it becomes for them to pick it up.

Example at snack time:

• Parent: “I am cutting the apple. You are sitting at the table. He is eating crackers.”

Why this works: You are giving your child clear, repeated examples of how pronouns change depending on who is being talked about.

2. Use Visual Supports

Visuals make abstract concepts easier to understand. You can use photos of family members or dolls during play.

Example with family photos:

• Show a picture of your child: “This is you. You are smiling.”

• Show a picture of yourself: “This is me. I am Mommy.”

Script for dolls:

Parent: “She is sleeping.” (point to doll)
Parent: “He is running.” (move boy doll)

Why this works: Visual cues anchor the pronouns to specific people or characters, making them easier to grasp.

3. Play Games that Emphasize Pronouns

Turn learning into play. Simple games can provide dozens of opportunities to practice.

Game: Who Has It?

• Place a toy in front of different family members.

• Say: “Who has the ball? She has it! Now he has it!”

• Encourage your child to answer: “He has it,” or “I have it.”

Game: Action Charades

• Act out an action.

• Say: “I am jumping. You are clapping. She is dancing.”

• Switch roles with your child so they can say the pronouns too.

4. Correct Gently Through Recasting

If your child makes an error, repeat what they said with the correct pronoun instead of asking them to repeat after you.

Example:

• Child: “Her eating.”

• Parent: “Yes, she is eating.”

Why this works: Recasting models the correct form without making your child feel pressured or discouraged.

5. Embed Pronouns in Routines

Daily routines offer endless opportunities to highlight pronouns. Because routines are predictable, children feel secure enough to practice new skills.

During bath time:

• “I am washing your hair.”

• “You are splashing me!”

During bedtime:

• “I am reading. You are listening.”

• “He is sleeping in his bed.”

6. Praise and Encourage Progress

Celebrate attempts, even if they are not perfect.

Example:

• Child: “Me want cookie.”

• Parent: “You want a cookie! Great asking.”

Positive feedback keeps your child motivated and reinforces the idea that pronouns matter.

Scripts by Pronoun Type

Here are some examples of how to practice each pronoun in real life:

• I / me / my:
  • Parent: “I am drinking water. My cup is red.”

  • Encourage child: “I want cookie.”

• You / your:
  • Parent: “You are running. Your shoes are fast.”

• He / she:
  • Parent: “He is eating a sandwich.” (point to brother)

  • Parent: “She is drawing a picture.” (point to sister)

• We / us / our:
  • Parent: “We are going to the park. Our car is ready.”

• They / them / their:
  • Parent: “They are building a tower. Their blocks are tall.”

Putting It All Together

Supporting pronoun development does not require formal lessons or special materials. It is about being intentional with the language you use during everyday routines. By modeling, using visuals, playing games, embedding pronouns into daily life, and praising attempts, you will give your child the tools to grow in this important skill.

Final Thoughts

Pronouns are small words, but they carry big meaning. They allow children to identify themselves, talk about others, and connect in conversations. Learning to use pronouns takes time, patience, and repetition. Some mistakes are normal, but if your child is older than four and still has significant difficulty, consider consulting with a speech-language pathologist for individualized support.

With consistent modeling and playful practice, you can help your child master pronouns and build a stronger foundation for communication.