Moving Beyond “I Want”: Helping Children Learn New Ways to Communicate

Why moving beyond “I want” matters

“I want juice.” “I want car.” These are important early sentences, but children also need language for many other purposes, such as:

• Getting help (“I need help.”)
• Protesting or saying no (“No, stop.”)
• Sharing feelings (“I feel mad.”)
• Commenting (“That is funny.”)
• Asking for information (“Where is my shoe?”)
• Solving problems (“Let us take turns.”)
• Advocating (“I do not like loud.”)

When children learn these skills, tantrums decrease, independence grows, and conversations become more meaningful.

The big idea: teach one new purpose at a time

Pick one communication purpose to teach for a week (for example, “asking for help”). Practice it in tiny moments throughout the day. When it feels easy, keep it going and add the next purpose.

Suggested order to teach:

1. Ask for help → 2) Protest/refuse → 3) Comment → 4) Share feelings → 5) Ask questions → 6) Problem-solve/plan

Tools that make this easier

• Core words to model often: help, more, open, turn, stop, go, all done, like, not, my, your, feel, want, where, what.

• Sentence starters on a card or fridge: “I need…,” “Help me…,” “No/stop,” “I feel…,” “I like…,” “Where is…?” “Let us…”

• Visual supports: a simple feelings chart, a “first/then” card, and a small core-word board.

• Wait time: after you model a sentence, pause 5–7 seconds so your child can try.

• Any way counts: speech, signs, pictures, pointing to words on a board, or an AAC device. Treat them all as real communication.

The 4-step teaching routine (use this for every purpose)

1. Model the exact words you want your child to learn.
2. Prompt lightly if needed (point to the picture, offer a choice, or give the first word).
3. Wait 5–7 seconds. Look expectant, stay quiet.
4. Respond + Expand: celebrate any attempt, then add one more word.

Example
Parent models: “Help me open.”
Child: “Help.”
Parent responds: “Great asking help. Help me open the snack.”

Purpose 1: Asking for help

When to teach it: stuck zippers, tight lids, tricky toys, hard-to-reach items.

How to teach (in play or routines):

1. Set up a need for help (close the snack lid loosely).
   Model: “Help me open.”
2. Prompt: point to help on the card or device. You can also you the ASL sign. 
   • ASL Help Sign Video Example
3. Wait.
4. Respond + Expand: “You asked for help. Help me open the crackers.”

Quick scripts

• “Help me zip.”
• “Help me build.”
• “Help me carry this.”

Reminder simply, “Help me” is powerful. 

Purpose 2: Protest or refuse respectfully

When to teach it: new clothes, ending a game, food they do not want.

How to teach:

1. Offer something your child may refuse (a broccoli floret, a new shirt).
2. Model: “No, I do not like it.” or “Stop please.”
3. Wait.
4. Respond + Expand: “You said no. You do not like it. We can try a small bite or pick a different veggie.”

Quick scripts

• “No, not that.”
• “Stop please.”
• “All done swing.”

Tip: Honor safe refusals when you can. Children learn that words work. 

Purpose 3: Commenting (not asking for anything)

When to teach it: funny moments, new textures, big movements.

How to teach:

1. Notice something together.
2. Model: “That is silly.” “It is loud.” “Big splash.”
3. Wait.
4. Respond + Expand: “Yes, big splash water. So funny.”

Quick scripts

• “That is silly.”
• “I like this.”
• “It is loud/soft.”
• “That is yucky/spicy/smooth.”

Purpose 4: Sharing feelings

When to teach it: joy, frustration, worry, excitement.

How to teach with a simple feelings chart (happy, sad, mad, scared, tired):

1. Show two choices that fit.
2. Model: “I feel mad.” (point to face)
   Wait.
3. Respond + Expand: “You feel mad. You want more turns. Let us set a timer.”

Quick scripts

• “I feel mad/sad/happy/tired.”
• “I feel worried. I need a hug.”
• “I feel excited. Let us jump!”

Purpose 5: Asking simple questions

Start with “where” and “what,” then “who.”

How to teach in daily life:

1. Hide a shoe. Model: “Where is my shoe?”
2. Pause, search together.
3. Celebrate any attempt. Expand: “Where is my shoe? On the rug.”

Quick scripts

• “Where is my ___?”
• “What is that?”
• “Who is at the door?”

Purpose 6: Problem-solving and planning

When to teach it: turn taking, broken towers, busy schedules.

How to teach with a “first/then” card:

1. Model: “Let’s take turns. First your turn, then my turn.”
2. Use a timer if helpful.
3. Respond + Expand: “You said, ‘Let us take turns.’ Now it is my turn.”

Quick scripts

• “Let’s share.”
• “Let’s clean up, then snack.”
• “Let’s build again.”

How to fit practice into your day (examples with scripts)

Morning getting dressed

• Parent models: “Help me zip.”
• Child tries: “Help.”
• Parent: “You asked help. Help me zip your coat.”

Snack time

• Parent: “You can say I like crackers or I do not like cheese.”
• Child: “No cheese.”
• Parent: “You said no cheese. You want crackers.”

Playground

• Parent: “You feel frustrated. Help me push the swing.”
• Child: “Help push.”
• Parent: “Great words. Help me push.”

Cleanup

• Parent: “Let’s clean up, then story.”
• Child: “Then story.”
• Parent: “Yes, first clean, then story.”

Adapting for emerging talkers and AAC users

• Offer two-word frames: “help me,” “all done,” “feel mad,” “not that,” “my turn.”
• On a core board or device, keep a small row visible: help, stop, all done, more, feel, like, not, where.
• Accept any modality (pointing, sign, picture exchange, device tap) and speak the full sentence back.

Child taps HELP
Parent: “You said help. Help me open the yogurt.”

Make it stick: simple data and reinforcement

• Pick one purpose per week.
• Aim for 5 short practices per day (10–30 seconds each).
• Mark ★ on a calendar each day you practiced.
• Praise the purpose, not perfect grammar: “You used words to say stop. That helped.”

Troubleshooting guide

• Child ignores your model: move closer, reduce background noise, use a gesture, and try again later.
• Only repeats the last word: provide the first word instead (“I…”) and pause.
• Meltdowns continue: teach the refusal words first (“no,” “stop,” “all done”), then return to other purposes.
• Child depends on prompts: fade help quickly—reduce your words, point instead, then simply wait.

Quick reference: sentence starters by purpose

• Ask for help: Help me ___.
• Refuse/protest: No. Not that. Stop please.
• Comment: That is ___. I like ___.
• Feelings: I feel ___. I need ___.
• Ask questions: Where is ___? What is that? Who is ___?
• Plan/solve: Let us ___. First ___. Then ___.

When to seek extra support

Consider consulting a speech-language pathologist if your child:

• Rarely uses words, signs, or pictures to communicate by age 2½–3.
• Uses only “I want…” but cannot refuse, ask for help, or share feelings by age 3–4.
• Has frequent meltdowns because words are not working.

Early support can make communication easier for everyone.

Final thoughts

Moving beyond “I want” does not require long lessons. It requires small, repeated moments where you model, prompt lightly, wait, and celebrate. Choose one purpose, practice it in daily life, and build from there. With steady support, your child will learn to ask for help, say no, share feelings, comment, ask questions, and solve problems. The real-world language that reduces frustration and grows confidence.

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Disclaimer: This article offers general educational information. It is not a substitute for professional evaluation or treatment. Please consult a licensed Speech-Language Pathologist for personalized concerns regarding your child’s speech development.