Teaching Problem Solving and Perspective Taking Through Everyday Play

Have you ever watched your child run into a problem and feel completely stuck? Here are some familiar examples:

The toy will not work.
A friend takes something.
Something does not go their way.

You notice that instead of solving it, your child might:

• Cry or melt down
• Walk away
• Get stuck repeating the same idea
• Say “I do not know”

This leaves you thinking…

“How do I actually teach them what to do?”

Problem solving and perspective taking are skills. Children are not born knowing how to do this.The best way to teach these skills is in everyday moments.

What do these skills actually mean?

Problem solving means your child can:

• Notice a problem
• Think of a solution
• Try something

Perspective taking means your child can:

• Understand that other people have thoughts and feelings
• Recognize that those thoughts and feelings might be different from their own

These two skills go together.

Why this matters for communication

Communication is not just asking for things.

It is:

• Understanding others
• Responding to situations
• Working through challenges
• Staying in interactions

If a child cannot problem solve or understand another person’s perspective, you might see:

• Frequent conflicts
• Difficulty with peer play
• Limited back-and-forth conversation
• Frustration and shutdowns

When we build these skills, communication becomes more meaningful and more successful.

What this might look like if your child needs support

You might notice your child:

• Gets stuck when something does not work
• Repeats the same idea instead of trying something new
• Has difficulty sharing or taking turns
• Struggles to understand how others feel
• Becomes upset quickly in social situations

This is not your child being difficult. This is your child needing support with flexible thinking and understanding others.

The goal

What skill we are targeting

Problem solving and perspective taking

Why it matters for communication

These skills help your child:

• Navigate social situations
• Stay engaged in play
• Use language for more than just requesting
• Build relationships

Start here: slow it down and stay with the problem

When a problem happens, our instinct is to fix it right away. If we always solve it for our child, they do not learn how to do it themselves. Instead, we stay with the problem.

What to do

Pause. Do not rush to fix.

Label what is happening.

What to say

“Oh no. The block fell.”
“That is a problem.”

You are helping your child notice the problem first.

Step 1: Name the problem

Children cannot solve something they do not understand.

What to do

Use simple language to describe the situation.

What to say

“The toy is stuck.”
“The car will not move.”
“You both want the same toy.”

Keep it clear and simple.

Step 2: Think of options

Many children think there is only one way to do something. We want to show them there are choices.

What to do

Offer 2–3 simple solutions.

What to say

“What can we do?”
“We can push it… or we can ask for help.”

If your child does not respond, you model:

“Let us try pushing.”

Step 3: Try a solution

Now your child takes action.

What to do

Support them as they try.

What to say

“Push.”
“Try again.”
“You did it.”

If it does not work:

“That did not work. Let us try something else.”

You are teaching persistence and flexibility.

Now let us bring in perspective taking

Most problems involve another person. This is where perspective taking comes in.

Step 4: Talk about what others think and feel

What skill we are targeting

Understanding others’ thoughts and feelings

Why it matters for communication

This helps your child:

• Share
• Take turns
• Respond appropriately
• Stay in social interactions

What to do

Narrate what another person might be thinking or feeling.

What to say

“She looks sad.”
“He wants a turn.”
“She is waiting.”

You are making the invisible visible.

Step 5: Connect it back to your child

Now help your child respond to that perspective.

What to do

Guide them toward a solution that includes the other person.

What to say

“He wants a turn. What can we do?”
“We can give a turn or say ‘wait’.”

Real-life example: sharing a toy

Your child grabs a toy from another child. Instead of immediately correcting, you guide.

What to do

Stay calm and step in.

What to say

“You both want the toy.”
“That is a problem.”

Then:

“She is sad. She wanted it.”

Pause.

“What can we do?”

If needed:

“Give a turn or ask for a turn.”

You are walking your child through the process.

Real-life example: something breaks

Your child gets upset when a toy does not work.

What to do

Stay with them and guide the steps.

What to say

“Oh no. It broke.”
“That is a problem.”

“What can we do?”

“Fix it or ask for help.”

What if my child says “I do not know”?

This is very common.

What to do

Model and keep it simple.

What to say

“That is okay. I will help.”
“We can try this.”

Over time, your child will start to generate ideas on their own.

What this looks like in real life

Your child is building a tower and it falls. Instead of fixing it, you sit next to them.

“Oh no. It fell. That is a problem.”

Pause.

“What can we do?”

They shrug.

You say:

“Build again or make it smaller.”

They try.

You support.

This is how the skill grows.

Final thoughts

Problem solving and perspective taking take time. These are not one-time lessons. They are built through everyday moments.

When you:

• Slow down
• Stay with the problem
• Use simple language
• Guide instead of fix

You are teaching your child how to think, not just what to do. That skill carries into:

• Communication
• Social interactions
• School and learning

Start small.

One problem at a time. That is how confidence grows.

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